Category: Let's talk
Hi guys ,
I really need to talk to someone about things i'm going through. I understand that none of you are counselors but since I don't have any friends in my current city I don't have anyone else to talk to.
I'm originally from the Dominican Republic and growing up there as a disabled kid was a living nightmare! Children were really mean and rude toward me because my eye condition is noticeable so, they would ask me stupid questions like "why do my eyes look so funny" or "what happened?"
Conclusion, I developed severe social anxiety and I can't look people in the eye. Also I am over self conscious, lack of confidence, very shy and i'm always worried that people are judging me all the time.
I've been to countless psychologies throughout the years but none of them helped me get over these thoughts. I even though of committing suicide many times but never had the courage to do so.
I need to talk to someone who is also visually impaired and understands what i'm going through. I assume that a lot of you are Americans so you probably have know idea how ignorant and narrow minded people from de developing countries can be. I'm a 25 year old female and NEVER had a boyfriend. I know i'm attractive nowadays since guys check me out, I get hit on occasionally and stuff like that but I just can't bring myself to telling them about my disability as, I have an extreme fear of rejection.
To make a long story short, how do you guys deal with your visual iimpairement and how to act towards rude people?
I've joined online dating sites and got lots of replies but I closed my account due to my concerns.
Also I don't like the idea of people asking me if i'm alright, if I need help and blah blah blah.....I know that sometimes they treat me different and feel sory for me when they notice I have sight loss. I try to be assertive but it's really hard sometimes.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post and apologies for confiding my issues with you guys,
People are ignorant and narrow minded anyplace, so the developing countries are no different. Smile.
I personally don't have your situation, but I can understand how it works.
I can sit behind my keyboard and tell you many many things, like how to build self assurance, but that may not help in the real world.
If you'd like to talk, and I mean, talk about things I'm willing to do so anytime.
Maybe talking will help you, because I'm also blind and can tell you what my life is like, and why it is as it is.
I am also not a psychiatrist, and I'm not going to tell you "do this," or "don't do that." Because what works and what doesn't work depends mostly on you. What I did in this situation may not be what is right for you in your situation.
However, that being said I can offer you some little tidbits. First, you aren't alone. Always remember that. I know, because of different situations that I have to go through, that this world can feel awfully lonely, but remember that you aren't alone.
Second, focus on yourself before you focus on others. That's the important thing. Rather than trying to change how others see you, change how you see yourself. That will make you much more confident for when you face others.
I hope this helps, and that the responses you'll get from others helps. I am also willing to alk with you any time you wish. Things will get better, as long as you're willing to make them better.
I agree with what has been said here, especially Cody's post.
none of us can tell you how to act, but we can certainly share things that have worked for us, let you know you aren't alone, and talk to you, if you wish.
feel free to contact me. I'll answer your questions/concerns honestly, and help however I can.
as Cody said, just know that things can, and will, get better, if you're willing to change how you see yourself, first and foremost.
you can't chanage others, or control how they react to you, but you can control how you present yourself, and how you react/learn from their mistreatment.
Hi, I am Michelle from Scotland in the UK. I know how it is that people treat you differently. Everything works differently for differnt people for example some might try counselling which might work for some and not for others. I know how you feel about needing to talk to some one I get that to. I am a good liener ll though I am not a psychiatrist or anything.
hi there and I agree that your not alone and many of us whom have a disability will be confronted by some not so nice people but just know there are nice people out there too, smiles.
Now I want you to know that wanting to end things is not the answer because the people that are left behind suffer more and a lot of hurt is felt and only because they care.
Hello,
Thanks for having the guts to post so openly with us... that took courage!
Like you, my eye condition is quite noticeable, so in some ways no matter how I carry myself, my eyes in particular look different. But I completely agree with what others have said: if you carry yourself with confidence, you will feel more confident; if you don't feel confident, pretend that you do. No matter where you go, there are nice people and ignorant people and people who make you wonder what rock they crawled out from under... but I can understand the frustration... correct me if I am wrong, but in some developing countries there is a lot of superstition about blindness?
Please feel free to send me a message if you want to talk.
Kate
I don't have a ton of time to post, so will attempt to address your questions more in-depth later today, Cherish.
I only wanted to address one point Wayne made. Yes, there are ignorant and narrow-minded people everywhere, no question, but I feel like you dismissed the original poster's cultural differences. Kate touched on it a bit in her post. Culture really does influence something like this. God knows there's ignorant people here in the US: this site abounds with stories of our daily encounters with them. But on the whole, some countries have a far more forward-thinking attitude toward those with disabilities than others. I am not from the Dominican Republic, but I did go there for awhile in college as part of my internship. One woman there asked me (through a translator), "How can you be blind and be happy? I've never known a blind person who is happy.) Here in the US, that question would have offended me, there it did not. Kate is right, many culltures have all kinds of superstitions about disabilities, and without the technology we have, they don't realize we can be as independent as we are here.
On the flipside Cherish, many of us grew up being teased or in some cases bullied about our eye conditions, blindness, etc. You are not alone in that. I don't say that to minimize your experience, only to say that Cody and others are right, you are not alone.
That really long-ass post to say, while many of us have gone through similar things, I also don't think we can completely dismiss the cultural aspect either.
No, we definitely can't, especially considering that if we imagine what our lives would be like without the independence we have gained through technology and training, we'd probably not be very happy either. I am glad to live in a country where I have access to a computer, and can work, and go to college, and live on my own. In other less developed nations, it's simply not possible.
I'm sure that here, this was not the case either. We have a lot to be greatful thanks to those who not only questioned why people with disabilities couldn't excel like everyone else, but also made equality essential no matter what the circumstances.
What the original poster mentioned is a prime example of social marginality, which is the exclusion of a person from "normal" society because of a difference from the norm. Though it doesn't seem as apparent here as it does where Cherish is, it still exists, and it will always exist. When somebody is physically different from everyone, that is the first thing that people notice. Cherish, I hope that though this may not be something you want to hear, it still sits with you as something that you accept. People will always notice that you are blind before everything else, and this not something you can change.
What you can change, however, is your confidence, how you present yourself, and in turn this will satisfy you and make you happy. Don't try so hard to change because you want people to look past your blindness immediately. Do this for yourself, and I assure you you will leave a better impression on some people. Not everyone, but some. The true ignorant will always remain ignorant, so don't waste time trying to correct them. Enjoy your life. Show people that you are blind, and you are still a person worth getting to know.
This will not be easy, but I along with many others know you can do it. The decision is on you now, whether you are willing to do it.
I'll agree that culture makes a difference.
I wonder about subcultures within American culture, such as Native Americans or African Americans or Asian Americans, if perceptions on disabilities and independence vary.
Hi there,
First and foremost, feel free to get hold of me if you still want to talk. I'll do what I can. I'm a white Canadian male so I probably don't know the ins and outs of your culture, but I'm also a decent listener and I know by and large how people work. I have no psychology degree but I've talked to countless people about stuff that's bothering them. I have been labelled by more than my fair share a person that others seek when they need an ear.
That said, I have a couple of points I want to get right up front, as far as getting off on the right track:
1. Equal is relative. You are visually impaired, and so you're never going to be truly equal. You will have to work harder at things, deal with people who honestly don't know how to help you, and sometimes ask for help because what you need is beyond your means. The sooner you can make your peace with this, if you haven't already done so that is, the better.
2. Having said that, you don't deserve to be treated like a second-class citizen because of your disability. It is a disability, and it will make your life harder, oh yes, but that's as far as it needs to go.
3. Anyone dismissing you by making fun of your eyes is probably not worth the time of day. However, some people, the curious and the downright nosy, are just asking the question because they honestly don't know what's wrong. It's odd to them, it unsettles them, and for many, it's no more or less simple than that. Not everyone who asks about your eyes or your blindness is shocked or disgusted; many just want to know. You'll probably do well to remember this, as it may turn some defensive reactions into learning experiences.
4. As others have said, you will have to work on yourself and change how you see yourself before you attempt to change anyone else's mind. Insecurity is perfectly understandable, but don't make it worse by not giving a damn and feeling powerless. Keep yourself clean and presentable. Try and be polite, civil if nothing else. Don't let yourself go to seed...I guess that's what I'm saying. You've got to try and accept, on a deep level, that you're worth it. You're worth sticking it out for, going the extra mile for, making an effort for. Don't write yourself off as a lost cause. As long as you are alive, you are a woman of great potential, for yourself and for others. Maybe you've got some work to do before you can believe that. Maybe you need to shape up a little. That's all right...the world's not going anyplace.
5. I can't stress this one enough, and this is why I leave it for last. Also, I know this one on a gut level. Biggest piece of advice: when you tell yourself you're going to do something, then do it...or, if you absolutely can't, then you should have a strong reason why. "I'm not ready" only works for so long, and all the talk in the world won't make you stronger. You get stronger and more productive by doing, not by saying. As a matter of fact, I'm still struggling with this one a little, though for different reasons. If you tell yourself that you're going to try and conquer your fears about how other people view you, and you want to use one of those dating sites as a starting-point for instance, don't let yourself get scared and close the account. Go away and come back, if nothing else...or when someone messages you and is curious, then extend yourself that little bit and see how things go.
I know better than many that actions are louder than words, and that it's perhaps very easy of me to say most of this. I also know that I've never been precisely where you are. What I also know, though, is that in many ways I am speaking from experience. And the most important thing I know is that until you die one day (hopefully at a ripe old age, I might add), you will possess within yourself the ability to makeethis happen. You won't win them all, and you won't do it tomorrow, but it will surely get better than this if you try. Thank you for posting here; I admire the bravery that took. That was the first step. You can do this.
this world is tough and the only way to face it is to be tough too. people ask me that all the time, you just need to be less sensitive. people mean no harm when they ask if you need help, they just want no be nice. I usually politely decline and even introduce myself, some of these peopbe are some of the nicest, cy best friends boyfriend, another good friend was the one who introduced me to most of my close international friends. you ask, how did we meet, the nice guy thought I would fall down the stairs, when I was trailing it. He asked me if I need help and where I was going. I told him he was very kind, but no, I knew where I was and idtroduced myself. We talked a bit had lunch a few days later and developed a cloq friendship, I even thought about dating the guy, but then thought better of it, he's not my type, anyway. I met other peofle that way, I think ode of them because I introduced myself, even added me jo facebook. will post more in a bit have to get going for a second.
my other point is that when they ask questions they usually don't mean to be rude, either, they are just genuinely curious, and want to know about your blindness, and how you cope. It's different and interesting to them.
why should you be so guarded about your blindness anyway? most people don't want to judge you or criticize. most of them, don't want to judge you, they genuinely don't know, and if you are polite to them, some of them will be nice, and change their minds for the people who judge. also, they are only stupid questions, because they don't understand, it's not a judgement, I don't think these mean to hurt either, they just don't know anything and they want to understand, even the most basic. They don't understand that we can do what they can do with modifications or some things none at all.
Yes, all of the posts before mine are great points, so I have nothing else valuable to add, but if you see me around, feel free to say hello. I'll be more than happy to talk to you. Get to know you and tell you about my short life experiences.
Hi, Charish.
Now, it is my turn to open up, be courageous, and tell you my story.
Originally, I posted on the graffiti board regarding my battle with depression. Recently, I actually displayed the confidence necessary to attempt suicide; I say this because, obviously, I am still here composing this message. While I am not a cultural expert, nor am certified with a psychology degree, I have felt socially excluded on numerous occasions.
I attend a Christian university, and as part of their code of ethics, it is against the rules to commit suicide; luckily, I was able to return, continue my studies, and believe that my condition has rapidly improved. In March of last year, I felt so isolated that I just didn't want to live anymore; after sleeping nearly the entire day, I retrieved two bottles of pills. These were anti-depressant and andi-anxiety medications. Suddently, I began popping one after another in my mouth, not caring about the consequences. To make matters worse, I sent my mom a text message stating that I planned to overdose on medication; subsequently, she contacted the local rescue squad, they picked me up in a stretcher, transported me to the ER, monitored my vital signs, and made sure everything was okay.
An evaluater came in and decided that it would be in my best interest to visit a psychiatric facility; therefore, I resided in this scary place for a week, underwent group therapy sessions, and actually felt worse when I was discharged.
I spent 3 months in bed and sometimes, I didn't eat for nearly 2 days. My parents forced me to go see a counselor, so I did. Honestly, counseling has not assisted me very much, but it has taught me that I religiously have to take my medications.
Being blind definitely isn't an easy challenge, yet suicide is not worth it in the end. You leave everyone behind to cope with losing you. Even though you do not feel valued, I am certain that you can make many acquaintances on this site. Feel free to talk to me anytime, and I will try to encourage you. Sometimes, if you have a person, who is also blind, you can vent ideas off of one another. Having a boyfriend takes time; believe me, you will get one eventually. Please, no one judge me for any content that I have just posted. I am trying to provide insight for Charish. Despite struggles, we just have to be willing to rise above them. I used to have a dog guide, but unfortunately, he was revoked. I am waiting on psychiatric clearance.
Take care,
Nathan Bullock
My email address is hardy.boy2@hotmail.com
Sophia lauren, spelling, once said when asked what she thought gave a woman sex appeal "someone who is comfortable with herself." I'm 56 years old, and have a noticeable eye condition. I wear dark glasses. since i'm a total they just make me feel more comfortable. you can look at this situation in two ways. I always say to my husband that we provide a public service. there are so many families and couples who run out of stuff to talk about. so we give them something to discuss at the dinner table. who knows how many marriages we have saved. also most people are far more interested in themselves then they are with me. when I was in high school, I attended one where the average income was in the high six figures. my dad was a carpenter. I remember years later saying to a sighted class mate how much I hated that school. I thought it was because I was blind. she said "i'm perfectly normal and I cried every day on the way to the bus stop." sometimes I think that ugly natures and mean spirits are two things that every one has in common. hope i'm making sense